The Academy Limits Oscar Eligibility to Films Premiering on HBOMax
LOS ANGELES — Shuffling up to a makeshift podium set up in his living room, Academy of Motion Pictures and Sciences President David Ruben announced that from now on, the Oscars will exclusively limit awards to films that debut on streaming platform HBOMax.
“Look, we understand that some in the industry might be concerned about how we arrived at this decision. Does it jeopardize the traditional method of seeing cinema? Yes. Was it a rash response to a once in a lifetime pandemic? Also yes. Does it make us a lot of money? You know it baby.” Ruben explained while burning what appeared to be a pair of movie tickets. “Besides, films like Godzilla vs. Kong should be watched the way filmmakers intended, on an 11-to-13 inch screen placed directly in front of one’s face.”
The announcement, which coincidentally was only viewable on HBOMax, came to many in the industry as a shock, including renowned director Christopher Nolan.
“I’m simply furious,” Nolan said as he used his gaffer as a footstool. “Streaming has undermined the work we directors do to make our films fit our exact vision. Letting people change the volume of their televisions in the comfort of their own home flies in the face of what cinema is about- inaudible dialogue scenes followed by ear shattering explosion sequences. If my viewers don’t leave films without any understanding of what happened, then they didn’t see the movie at all.” Nolan paused before adding, “They should also have tinnitus afterwards.”
Still, there are many who welcome the Academy’s move.
“I think the academy is doing the right thing here. Streaming services are the only ones investing in content viewers like myself are interested in,” said film scholar Thomas O’Malley. “Looking at shows like the Mandalorian, Ashoka, and Obi Wan Kenobi – I think it’s clear that streaming has allowed filmmakers to create a diversity of content that simply would not be made otherwise. Hell, if this means the Snyder cut of Justice League can finally win some recognition, I’m all for it. Bring on the sequels baby!”
Shortly following the Academy’s announcement, the Hollywood Foreign Press revealed the creation of a new “Outstanding Original Series – Facebook or Youtube” category for the Golden Globes.
