Fuck, Sitcom You Watched To Get Your Mind Off Of Things Just Got Really Sad
BOISE, Idaho — Throwing a depressing curveball at its audience, the quirky sitcom that you started watching to take your mind off of the terrible state of the world diagnosed its main character with multiple sclerosis, somber sources report.
“I was having a shitty day, so I thought why not turn on Schitt’s Creek, my favorite upbeat sitcom, and now I’m crying?” said copywriter Jenny Anderson. “I’m going through a breakup, so things are pretty tough emotionally for me right now. I thought Dan Levy and the crew would get my mind off of things, but now I’m crying over Ted and Alexis’ break up. I know it was right for both of them, but I’m projecting anyway. Why did they do this to me?”
Other sitcom fans shared similar sentiments.
“I used to make fun of my mom for crying when we watched Modern Family and now I’m bawling watching Grace and Frankie because Grace and Frankie got into a fight. Seriously, what is wrong with me?” said retired teacher Bob Sanders while putting his tissues next to his couch in preparation for watching Rick N’ Morty in case it made him cry again. “Why can’t studio executives just make a show that’s funny and nothing else. I don’t need to be having an existential crisis while watching an animated TV show.”
Studio executives were less concerned.
“I know we could just focus on making people happy, but the Algorithm told us everyone wants to suddenly start crying during their favorite TV show.” Netflix executive Tom Ross said. “Nothing says comedy like the main character going on a drug-fueled bender ending with his best friend dead in a planetarium, right? To be honest, I’m not sure. But like I said, we don’t make the decisions here. The Algorithm does. And if it wants people to be sad when they’re trying to stop being sad, people will be sad.”
At press time, Disney executives were figuring out how to put a hit and run of the dog in Dog with a Blog.
