Ridley Scott Accused of Promoting Unrealistic Beauty Standards After Announcing Xenomorph Will Be Digitally De-Aged In Next ‘Alien’ Film
LOS ANGELES — Oscar-winning director Ridley Scott came under fire for promoting unrealistic beauty standards after announcing Friday morning the Xenomorphs in the next Alien movie will be digitally de-aged, appalled sources report.
“For decades now, Hollywood has been pushing unrealistic beauty standards on men, women, and nightmarish extra-terrestrial killing machines,” said account manager Lauren Hotchkiss. “These studios are out of control. Erasing the Xenomorph’s little imperfections here and there is a slippery slope. What’s next? A completely digital alien? That would erase decades of progress we’ve made normalizing real Xenomorph bodies. It isn’t any less valid because it’s gained a few pounds and has laugh lines around the little mouth that lives inside its big mouth.”
Scott defended his controversial decision.
“Audiences watch the Alien films to leave their troubles behind and escape into a horrifying world full of H.R. Giger penis monsters – but, sadly, with its crow’s feet, liver spots, and eyebags, the Xenomorph can’t live up to its former glory any more,” said Scott while making the creature’s signature slime by titrating milk into a cornstarch solution. “We can’t have people thinking getting older and droopier is a perfectly acceptable part of life. The Xenomorph isn't a straight white male actor, so we can’t pass off its aging as ‘distinguished.’”
VFX artists were simply happy to work on an Alien film in the first place.
“Look, I’m a huge fan of the Xenomorph’s body of work,” said Doug Renson of CinEffects studios. “But I gotta say, the last few decades haven’t been kind to it. He’s going to need some help to look as good as he did back in 1979, and it’s an honor to take on such a big project. Plus, we were already hired to de-age Sigourney into a digital husk of her younger self, so Ridley figured it just made sense to throw the Xenomorph in too.”
At press time, 20th Century Fox was finalizing a deal to cast Alison Brie as the five-second-old chestburster.
