Michael Mann Announces ‘Heat’ Prequels ‘Salt’, ‘Fat’, and ‘Acid'
LOS ANGELES – Acclaimed director Michael Mann announced Tuesday morning that the long-awaited prequels to his heist thriller Heat will be called Salt, Fat, and Acid, organized according to the three basic elements of any good job: risk (salt), reward (fat), and acid (acid), industry insiders report.
“The original story wasn't meant to be about thieves, but instead a ragtag team of student chefs at culinary school. But it turns out it’s much easier to get permits for firing live rounds in Downtown LA than it is to have an entire film crew be approved by the health inspector. So we reworked some things and made ‘Heat’ instead. Which is a shame, because it’s really not the kind of story I want to tell. Guns, violence, relationships? No. TIME!” shouted Mann as he cocked a Beretta 92FS. “These 3 prequels will go back to that original idea: food porn.”
Frequent collaborators of Michael Mann were suspiciously optimistic of the new films.
“At first, I wasn’t convinced with the new direction the films are taking. But the writing is just so slick and gritty. ‘Don't let yourself get attached to a frittata if you’re not willing to walk out in 30 seconds flat if you feel it’s overheated in the corners.’ That’s just beautiful writing,” said star Robert DeNiro. “I mean, doesn’t that make you hungry? That’s what a good director does; arouses the senses.”
Although the titles sound promising to some, many are suspicious that Mann has lost his touch.
“I dont think it’s fair of him to compare being in a shootout to being in a kitchen. You ever try to keep your cool while plating the croque monsieur, monitoring two turkeys in the oven, proving the rolls for the mint jam? I’d take two shots in the back any day over that,” said culinary sensation Samin Nosrat.
At press time, Mann’s publisher confirmed the script will be printed for coffee table release.
